Be Thankful - Author Unknown

Be thankful that you don't already have everything you desire,
If you did, what would there be to look forward to?

Be thankful when you don't know something
For it gives you the opportunity to learn.

Be thankful for the difficult times.
During those times you grow.

Be thankful for your limitations
Because they give you opportunities for improvement.

Be thankful for each new challenge
Because it will build your strength and character.

Be thankful for your mistakes
They will teach you valuable lessons.

Be thankful when you're tired and weary
Because it means you've made a difference.

It is easy to be thankful for the good things.
A life of rich fulfillment comes to those who are
also thankful for the setbacks.

GRATITUDE can turn a negative into a positive.
Find a way to be thankful for your troubles
and they can become your blessing.

Plan Your Perfect Christmas Now

As the shops begin to display their full ranges of seasonal gift ideas, they are putting plans into action that were formulated almost a year ago. For many of us, Christmas is a last minute rush and an expensive time of rampant consumerism and materialism.

So at the Enfys Acumen, we believe this is a good time to start planning your own perfect Christmas. Not in a materialistic sense, but in a sense that is measured by contentment and satisfaction.

In a few one-hour telephone conversations, at weekly intervals, I invite you to review where you are now and where you want to be in the future. Together we can create a strategy for getting to where you want to be and define the actions that will produce the desired results.

I’m always keen to point out however that a coach is simply the catalyst. It is the you, the client who makes the decisions and the commitment. For a great many of my clients, the weekly reporting back of progress is the spur that keeps them on target.

A lot of Christmas stress results from people trusting to luck that ‘everything will be alright’ rather than taking control and ensuring that they actually make everything as they want it to be.

I frequently ask my clients,

“What would you choose to do in your life if you could do absolutely anything with no limitations, no prospect of failure and no accountability to anyone?”

I am no longer surprised when clients answer this innocent question with a long list of what they don’t want to do. It seems to be a natural reaction. I don’t let them off the hook that easily. I listen and keep returning to the positive side of the question. Eventually I will get them to admit to themselves, and often this is for the first time, what it is that they really want to do. This awareness can be the best Christmas present that you can give to yourself.

It is nowhere near as selfish as it sounds either. My clients discover that, once they have a plan for their life and achievements and are working towards its fulfilment, all the other areas of their lives improve as well. Partners, relatives and colleagues alike notice a new sense of purpose, a new enthusiasm and a contagious happiness.

You may not be able to wrap all this up in pretty paper but even so, its value is beyond measure.

I am always happy to discuss this or other aspects of my approach to coaching, absolutely free of any cost or obligation. You can contact me during usual office hours on 01633 769657 or by email anytime.

Doesn't time fly

I've just realised that it is over a month since I lasted posted to my blog. No excuses, just busy I'm very glad to say. Serious bloggers will note that this is not really good enough and you should contibute something to you blog on a regular basis.


Earlier on today I came across this quote from the mountaineer, WH Murray and really think it is worth repeating its entirety

"Until one is committed there is hesitancy, the chance to draw back, always ineffectiveness.

Concerning all acts of initiative (and creation), there is one elementary truth, the ignorance of which kills countless ideas and splendid plans: that the moment one definitely commits oneself, then Providence moves too.

All sorts of things occur to help one that would never otherwise have occurred.

A whole stream of events issues from the decision raising in one's favour all manner of unforeseen incidents and meetings and material assistance, which no man could have dreamt would have come his way.

I have learned a deep respect for one of Goethe's couplets:

'Whatever you can do, or dream you can, begin it.
Boldness has genius, power, and magic in it.'"

I'm off on a family holiday for a couple of weeks. In the meantime why not visit our website www.enfysacumen.com. I'd love to hear from you when I return.

Getting out of the grip of busy-ness

Regular readers of this blog, will know that I am quite a keen gardener and I try to spend as much time as I can in my allotment. I often end a session spending a few minutes just sitting on a bench admiring the sunset, listening to the birds, contemplating my seedlings and what I can plant next and recently I watched a couple of bats zigzagging around me hunting for their evening meal, I am in heaven.

However, I am also reminded of how we all get caught up in the grip of “busy-ness.” The compulsion to complete things, meet deadlines, fit in just a bit more and then a bit extra.

This was a timely reminder for me that being “on the go” over a long period of time does take its toll. I am reminded of the stress I suffered before escaping the rat race to start my own organisational development and coaching practice and live my dream.

We are living in times where busy-ness has become the norm for most people - beyond a choice – almost a survival necessity. But where does it end?

Here are some thoughts, reflections and reminders for you:

1 Being constantly busy can rob us from focusing on what is truly important rather than what is urgent along with a consequent list of activities to tick off. Keep an eye on your more developmental and progressive, long-term goals and remember, sometimes “less is more.”

2 Important and nurturing relationships can be overlooked in favour of other more pressing work demands. The quality of those very relationships, which provide us with nourishment and care, can suffer.

3 As much as we may love doing what we do, we are much more than our jobs.

4 Take a few minutes and do a “busy-ness scan”. Where and how might you be over stressing yourself? Watch out for any body signals that need attention. Do not ignore the basics of good health and self-care. This is what will give you the longevity so you keep doing what you love doing..…longer!

5 Consciously schedule time to chill out for some serious rest, relaxation and fun. Down times are good for re-fueling your mind, body and soul. And yes – you may have to re-visit your priorities, time frames, delegation, and practice of saying NO. And as you do this, how about a “gratitude scan” for all that is still wondrous about your life?

So take a pause and get in touch with where you might be out of balance and take some positive and healthy steps to connect with the neglected you.

Just because you can do something, doesn’t mean you should keep doing it. If you would like some coaching in your life - management, executive, corporate / organisational or life coaching, why not contact the Enfys Acumen today.

Kicking bad habits into touch

Everybody has bad habits. Everybody – I do, you do, we all do!

Now granted, some people have less than others and some people's bad habits are more grating than those of others, but we all have them. What is great is that we don't have to! Imagine a life where you couldn't change? What kind of life would that be? But we can, so let's!

There are two kinds of bad habits: Those you know you have that others may or may not know about, and those you don't know you have but everybody else knows you have! For the sake of everybody involved we ought to get rid of them all, right?

So how can you get rid of some of your bad habits? The answers simple, but hard. Ask somebody to be brutally honest with you! You might think, "But I'll be embarrassed." Would you rather everyone talk behind your back? Get up the courage and ask. Ask somebody who loves you and has your best interest in mind. Be gracious and don't defend your self. Just accept it and work on it.

What about the ones we know about - which are all of them once your good friend tells you the ones you were missing? Those are the tough ones. How do I know they are tough? They must be tough if you know about them and yet you still have them! If they weren't tough, they would be OLD bad habits! Am I right?

So how do you break a bad habit? How do you kick it into touch out of your life? Here are a few things that must be a part of the plan in order to see that stuff gone forever!

1. You must want them to go. That's right, some people want them to stick around. We have all seen dads choose alcohol over their grandchildren. I’m sure you have seen smokers continue smoking while watching their parents die of emphysema. They don't want them to go. The first thing is to go deep into the recesses of your heart and ask, "Do I really want to give this up?"

2. You do? Good. Step two: Make up a list of all of the reasons you want to quit your bad habits. Make them positive. Make the list long! Start with the really powerful and dramatic if you need to. Now memorise them. Put them in your mind. You are making connections between stopping the bad behaviour with what good things you will get from doing so. If you want to lose weight, then picture yourself slim and looking good in those skinny people clothes! If you want to stop smoking, picture your wife actually kissing you rather than sending you to the bathroom to brush your teeth!

3. Choose. That is right. Once you have the information, this comes down to one thing: It is an act of the will. Choose to do it. Say to yourself throughout the day, "I am choosing to..." Eisenhower rightly said, "The history of free men is written not by chance but by choice, their choice." It is your choice. You can write your history.

4. Take action! Point four is tricky because there are two philosophies about this. One theory is that you must take massive action. You must go all or nothing. Using the weight loss example, this person would go spend hundreds of pounds to join a gym, rework their daily routine and hit the treadmill everyday for a year. They will get rid of all fat in the house. They go all out! That works for some. Others would burn out on that, feel like failures and be worse off than before. They should start out slow, taking baby steps, but working diligently toward a planned goal. This person would decide to start walking three days a week. They would decide to limit dessert to two nights a week, down from seven. See how this works? Either way is okay as long as you get to the goal eventually. Which one am I? The first two people to email me with the correct guess will win four free coaching sessions to help them succeed.

5. Tell somebody. This is your accountability partner. Tell them your goal and tell them your plan. Write it down for them and have them ask you on regular intervals about your progress. This will prove invaluable!

6. Recover from failure. Inevitably most people will have setbacks. The key is to have them be setbacks and not turnbacks! Pick yourself up and get going again. Some people may want to lose 3 stone in weight and after losing two they eat a slap up takeaway. Then they feel bad and give up. Don't! Reset your goal for another two weeks and get going again. Chalk it off to experience! Say to yourself, "Sometimes you win and sometimes you learn."

7. Reward yourself. That's right. You should regularly congratulate yourself by rewarding yourself with some gift to yourself. Start small with small victories and plan a big one when you are finally and for sure over the habit.

Is it that simple? Most of the time, no it is definitely not. Habits are hard to break. There are so many intangibles that it would be hard to cover them all. But this is a simple and workable plan that will help you make great strides if you apply the principles.

For more information about coaching from the Enfys Acumen, why not get in touch today.

What makes a successful leader?

No one questions that effective leadership determines the success of an organisation. Management that places a strong focus on high impact leadership can instil trust and passionate commitment to the organisation's goals, mission and vision, even during turbulent times. It is that commitment that drives profitability and success.

How does an organisation define "high impact leadership" today, and how is that different from management models of the past?

The biggest change and trend in leadership has been a shift from a "command and control" model where decisions and orders are dictated from the highest levels to a model that works to inspire and motivate people through empowerment and active participation in decision-making processes.

As a specialist in organisational development, one of the most common requests the Enfys Acumen receives is for assistance in creating a strategic leadership plan that will implement this new model, focusing on identifying and developing key internal talent and linked to succession planning. This is even more critical as organisations become leaner and there is greater reliance on teams.

If you think about of leadership characteristics, there is g an underlying assumption that the individual has to have a good understanding of the business and to have "business savvy."

People skills

Beyond this, however, some of the most important leadership characteristics are strong "people skills," ie ability to build relationships internally and externally, and agility in managing constant change. A strong leader is someone who can create and articulate a vision, but strongly linked to this skill to the ability to motivate people toward that vision.

The emphasis on "people skills" as a critical leadership competency is not surprising. Research into the art and science of effective leadership has consistently identified "people skills" as the critical variable underlying not only successful leaders but organisations that are successful long term.

Effective leadership

What constitutes an effective leader? An effective leader brings out the best in the organisation's people in terms of their aspirations, potential, performance and contribution. They encourage collegial, collaborative and supportive work styles and use this to build strong teams. Leaders seek and welcome feedback and are comfortable analysing both their successes as well as their failures.

Self-awareness

A key component in effective leadership is self-awareness, the ability to recognise and understand your moods, emotions and drives and in particular the impact these have on those around you and the work environment. Leaders who have good self-awareness present as self-confidant without being arrogant, can voice unpopular views and are decisive in the face of uncertainty.

Self-regulation

The second skill is self-regulation. This refers to the ability to manage one's potentially disruptive emotions and impulses effectively, to remain composed during challenging moments and to be able to think clearly and remain focused when under pressure.

The Enfys Acumen’s executive coaching roles bring out the critical importance of self-regulation. One of the more common reasons we are asked to provide individual coaching to an executive is because of overly aggressive behaviour, the "bull-in-a-china-shop syndrome." Typically the individual is technically brilliant, but they leave a human path-of-destruction everywhere they go.

Social skill

Another major leadership component is social skill, which is proficiency in managing relationships and building networks. This includes a number of skills such as the ability to influence and persuade others without coercion, to listen openly, to manage conflict effectively, to inspire and guide individuals as well as groups and being able to serve as a change catalyst.

A leader with good social skill is able to balance business issues with the creative side of the business when there are no longer unlimited resources available. As resources dwindle, maintaining motivation and focus becomes imperative.

Agility

In developing strong leadership skills with the people we work with, another key factor is agility, i.e., the ability to be flexible and adaptable in a constantly and rapidly changing environment. Many organisations are beginning to look at agility as a critical organisational skill, and differentiate this from older "change management" approaches.

In the older organisational models, change was talked about as going from Point A to Point B in a certain amount of time. Once you got to Point B the process was over and that is where you stayed. That model often doesn't work today as changes occur so fast that before you get to Point B, something is guiding you in a different direction Point C, and before you get to Point C it starts changing again.

Agile executives are ones that are able to quickly change their mindset and direction and not stay locked into ideas that forces are indicating are no longer relevant or important. Additionally, agile executives are ones that are flexible in their leadership style and know how to apply different leadership approaches to meet the unique demands of the individuals they manage or the situations they encounter.

The agile leader has to have the ability to lead others through constant change while keeping them motivated and focused. The most effective leaders use a collection of distinct styles--each in the right measure, at just the right time. Such skill is unique and very high-level; and while such agility is tough to put into action, it pays off in overall organisational performance. And the good news is, this high-level executive skill can be learned and the Enfys Acumen can help.

Leadership always starts at the top

The bottom line on effective leadership is that while there are certainly unique business skills, the core of leadership regarding people skills and motivating and inspiring others to a shared vision are the same in most industries. How that occurs or is supported is unique to each organisation and its culture. Regardless of the industry, however, leadership always starts at the top.

To develop leadership in your organisation or business, why not contact the Enfys Acumen today.

Spring Clean Your Life

Spring cleaning has its origins in ancient history. Back then, with no labour saving devices and no electricity, spring marked the start of the season when the weather allowed a complete cleaning of the cave or house.

Since then, the tradition has been maintained but now there is a new angle. It is called coaching and it is, in effect, spring cleaning for your life.

In my view and the view of the thousands of people who receive regular coaching sessions, coaching is one of the most effective ways of staying green and growing instead of becoming ripe and rotten. It is simply a way of looking at where you are now, where you want to be in the future and how you are going to get there.

As a trained, professional coach I help my clients to do just that in a series of one hour telephone conversations at weekly intervals. A few people are able to do this for themselves, but the vast majority find that having an outsider like me to keep them on course is a vital ingredient in their life spring cleaning.

Frankly, I am not interested in how they got to where they are now. The only place that they can start to change their life is here and now. So we focus totally on the future and the actions that will lead to the positive results that they desire.

In the same way that our homes can become musty during the winter months and often look in need of a new lick of paint, so our lives can become a bit tattered and full of mental junk that no longer serves us well.

We all, without exception, carry a load of excess baggage in the form of worry, guilt, fears and false beliefs or expectations. I am a great believer in the power of a positive mental attitude and very few of us ever achieve anything approaching our full potential.

In coaching, clients are shown how they can easily let go of all this baggage to create room in their lives for new and exciting challenges. Many of my clients are amazed at the positive impact that even a small change or shift in attitude can produce. This really is spring cleaning for the mind.

In the same way that the onset of spring is often the catalyst that triggers a burst of domestic action, so a coach can be the catalyst that allows amazing and positive changes to happen.

I am always happy to discuss this or other aspects of his approach to coaching, absolutely free of any cost or obligation. You can the Enfys Acumen at any time or by telephone during usual office hours on 01633 769352.

I am still surprised at how often my clients tell me that their emotional and mental spring cleaning is like a weight being lifted from their shoulders. The joy is that they do it all themselves, I am just there to show them how.

10 tips for developing better relationships

Twenty years ago I qualified as a teacher and my first position was in a residential school for boys who were labelled in those days as emotionally and behaviourally disturbed - an awful label I know and it certainly helped me to realise that labels are for jam jars not for people.

I entered the teaching profession with lots of values and a real vision to make an impact on developing young people. Although I'd had various holiday jobs over the years, this was my first experience of the real world of work. I think at the time I used to see the world through rose tinted specs, but over the next two years my worldview changed significantly and now I realise it wasn't necessarily for the better and has had a very negative effect on my professional life.

The term I started coincided with the appointment of a new headteacher, it was his first headship and even though I am sure he was a great teacher, he lacked a lot of skills in managing and motivating his staff team. I really learnt a lot about how not to manage and motivate people and some of the pitfalls in organisational development.

In the two years I worked at that school, I think I only went into the headteacher's office about three times, one of which was for the actual job interview. I never had any one-to-one support and the only feedback I ever got tended to be negative and involved a ticking off in front of the kids. I'm sure you can well imagine how that made me feel.

Although I enjoyed the teaching side of things I really hated the school environment and couldn't wait to get away from there at the end of the day. I'm sure I used to get on my housemates nerves moaning about my job and complaining or rather in line with my view of life at the time, I would be making excuses for my boss. After all it was his first management position, he was only developing his skills too!

One day things really hit home. I had gone home quite upset and started making excuses for the headteacher again when a friend really pulled me down to earth.

"Stop there!" she said "This man is your manager, he's doing the job because he demonstrated to someone he could do it , he is getting paid twice as much as you are, you deserve to be supported and developed in your role."

I thought right, I either stand up to him or get out of that environment as soon as I possibly can. I chose the latter and at the end of term I was gone, off to pastures new and out of the teaching profession completely. I was escaping or running away. What I resolved in my own mind however was that I would never again expect less than the best possible support from my line manager.

Now I have had several jobs since that first teaching job and have had some great managers and some downright awful ones. What I did however was set myself some very high expectations for the way I wanted to be managed and how I, in return, would manage my staff. When my manager or the people responsible for employing and supporting me didn't fulfil my expectations of them or if my staff didn't meet my standards and in my mind, refused to be motivated and led in the right direction, I would often get myself into a rut of depression and consequently the quality of my own work and impact would suffer. I would be on a downward spiral until I lifted myself out of the situation by moving on to employment elsewhere. Running away again.

Since starting the Enfys Acumen however, becoming my own boss and having no-one else to blame as it were, I have put a huge amount of effort into personal development and understand now that I had placed myself in a position that I was setting myself up failure. Nobody is perfect and managers and staff have a shared responsibility to the team-playing role.

I have written before about teams and how in a team you have some people you are completely comfortable with and others you don't necessarily want to have much to do with, but recognise they too have a crucial role to play. See my blog post on Teamwork and Bicycles.

The rest of this post gives 10 tips on developing better relationships. I wish I'd discovered them sooner. If you are in a role where other people aren't meeting your expectations, I'm sure you'll find them useful:

1. Remember that however unreasonable someone is acting, their behaviour is derived from a positive intention. When you act as if all behaviour has a positive intention behind it, through discovering it, your life will become more pleasant. An example: You meet an angry person and you think how childish and silly they are. But if you were to ask yourself, "what is the positive intention behind this persons angry behaviour?", you could come up with something useful that allows you to feel more comfortable. For instance people often act angry because behind this they believe it will protect them from harm.

2. When you find yourself feeling uncomfortable in an interaction get some perspective by disassociating. In your mind's eye see yourself and the other person interacting over there, rather like you would if you were to see a video film of the situation.

3. Step into their shoes. This is one of the most powerful methods for gaining wisdom about your relationships. To begin, you imagine communicating with the other person, noticing how they talk, observe their facial expressions and so on. You then step into their shoes and see through their eyes and hear through their ears. So of course you will be looking at yourself! Run through a conversation you've had before, that could have been better. Notice yourself and become aware of how seeing things from this other person's perspective gives you new insights into the relationship.

4. What assumptions are you making about the other person? Are you willing to challenge those assumptions? Pick one. What is the opposite of that? eg narrow minded/open minded.
Now imagine interacting with the person with this new attitude.

5. Step into the WE frame: Think about a person you want to get along with better. Disassociate: Picture both of you interacting in your minds eye. Now allow yourself to find a common purpose between the two of you. Of course if you can't come up with anything you can always fall back on the fact that you are just two human beings who are trying to experience more happiness.

6. Funify your boss (or that irritating colleague). Many people experience difficulties communicating with their boss. It's often due to being too serious. So here is a simple, quick way to inject the antidote: FUN! Okay, picture your boss or whoever. And then notice their facial features. What stands out? Is it their nose, their eyes, eye brows, chin? Now you simply exaggerate those features rather like a caricature cartoonist does. Exaggerate and funify it in such a way that it makes you laugh or at least feel better towards the relationship.

7. No Failure, only feedback (or learning experiences.) A really useful way to make beneficial changes is to view everything as a learning experience. So thinking about a relationship you find challenging, notice how you usually respond to the person and then ask yourself, "How else could I respond?" How many different ways could you respond in your interactions? Come up with at least 3 possibilities. This enables your mind to generate more flexibility of behaviour.

8. Often when we experience difficulties in our relationships it is due to focusing on faults. This distorts our perception of the overall relationship, which is really a mixture of good and bad qualities. To re-focus our attention on the bigger picture begin to remember qualities you admire in the other person. Come up with three, picture them, increase the size of the images and place them around an image of the faulty qualities of the person. And remember positive intention, take a look at Tip 1 again!

9. What would be the consequence of staying stuck in the same relationship dynamic with a particular person, say ten years from now?! The fact is if you want to experience better relationships YOU are going to have to change your viewpoints or attitude. It's okay, this can be fairly simple. Imagine stepping into the future ten years from now and look back at that relationship and notice that it has remained in the same stuck pattern year after year for ten years! Looking at it like this, acting as if it could really happen, allow your feelings to arise that make you say, "enough is enough I MUST change!"

10. Think of someone you would like to get along with better. Choose someone of medium level problematic-ness and then read the following questions slowly: Isn't it true that all of the problems that we experience when relating to others is due to OUR feelings? What if we were to change our feelings? This could make things easier couldn't it?

If you are stuck in a professional relationship that is giving you grief in some way, why not try some personal coaching or ask the Enfys Acumen to help with developing a strategy to help your team work together more effectively.

Springtime - the promise of a new beginning

As the mornings and evenings grow lighter and as the last of the winter frosts disappear, there is a great feeling of a new beginning. The first trees are in blossom and the others have green buds. The grass is starting to grow faster than even the most avid gardener can mow it. Readers of the Enfys Blog will know that I am a keen gardener and get great pleasure from getting my hands dirty in my allotment, watching seeds I have planted, pop through and the satisfaction that comes from lovingly tending them and harvesting the benefits later in the year. I am confident that a bit of manual labou is really good for the soul and it is true what they say about your own produce tasting so much better than anything you can buy in the shops.

Now don’t you think that this is a great time of year to look back at those New Year resolutions, to review progress and to take any corrective action needed. As a coach with a keen professional awareness of the way that the seasons can affect our feelings and attitudes, can we ponder a little?

The chances are that you made those January resolutions in the midst of a cold, grey and wet winter. That probably made your emotions and optimism pretty cold, grey and wet too. But, when the natural world is bursting with the promise of a glorious spring and the warmth of summer, this is an ideal time to decide that you too will start over and put right anything that you feel needs correction in your own life.

Unless we humans interfere with nature, it has its own graceful balance, don’t you agree?. The old and used makes way for the new and vibrant. Anyone can do the same with their own thoughts and attitudes. Perhaps those fondly held beliefs that served you well in the past are due for an overhaul. Perhaps it is time to restore your own natural balance.

I’m a great believer that balance means harmony rather than discord and I suggest that this should include a brief but thorough examination of all the areas of your life - relationships, career, health, finances, leisure and talents.

Let me describe one coaching client to you:

This man was a success by most material measures. Despite his large house, ample income and luxury car, he was an unhappy person. He had spent so much energy building his business that he had no time left for all those other aspects of his life. As our coaching sessions progressed he began to work on restoring the balance. Within weeks he had found happiness too and without putting any of his material gains at risk either.

I am always happy to discuss this or other aspects of his approach to coaching, absolutely free of any cost or obligation. You can contact me anytime to find out more.

Let me finish with this - Just think, you would have to be a very cold individual indeed to totally ignore the promise of this time of the year. So take some of that promise for yourself and then make sure that it is a promise that is delivered. You deserve nothing less.

Teamwork and bicycles

My daughter Elinor came home the other day saying that her primary school would be starting an after-school cycling proficiency club in a few weeks and she wanted to join. This got me thinking as always and I remembered an article I wrote some time ago about teams and thought it was worth resurrecting it in the Enfys Blog.

Now teams are one of those areas that some people assume look after themselves - put a few individuals together, call them a team and off we go, but a team is just like a human being though, isn't it?. It is born, grows up and hopefully reaches maturity. It has its own personality, its own needs and characteristics and its own pattern of development.

Just putting half a dozen people together in the same place to work does not make them a team. It makes them half a dozen individuals in the same place. If teams develop well, everybody wins. If they don't, well who knows what might happen, but it is unlikely to be as positive or successful as it could be.

Why not take a few minutes to think about a team that you belong to.

• Does everyone know exactly what the team's purpose and objectives are?
• Is the leadership style and approach participatory, not autocratic?
• Do the team members between them have all the skills and attributes the team needs?
• Is the climate one where people are always open and honest and don't hold back?
• Do team meetings and discussions help you to operate as a real team?
• Do you regularly ask the question, "how are we doing as a team?"

Let’s get back to that bicycle…

Think about a bike and you see that it works because there is a whole range of different components: wheels; pedals; a frame; handlebars and so on. Some components look shiny and some, like the saddle, should make you feel comfortable. The chain on the other hand is probably greasy, and you don't really like getting your hands on it, but you can't operate effectively without a chain.

The makeup of a team is much the same, isn’t it? There will be some people who play a part you are very comfortable with and others you find difficult to handle, who make you feel uncomfortable.

But… teams are people aren’t they? They are not parts of a bicycle. And because teams are people, they are emotional and have feelings.

A key hallmark of an excellent team is its members’ ability to say what they think or feel, without putting other people down or being put down themselves. For individuals to make a worthwhile contribution they have to feel valued and listened to, even if they don’t always get their own way. They have to feel other people want to hear from them.

What kind of team member are you?

• Do you listen to other people’s contributions? Remember - listening is an active process. It isn’t the same as waiting your turn to speak

• Do you accept that you aren’t the only one with feelings who get hurt? Everyone does, so put yourself in their shoes and don’t take it personally or make it personal

• Do you recognise the importance of all the other team members and the roles they play? Accept that someone is trying to make a positive contribution and accept that a quiet individual may need encouragement to speak their mind

• Do you deal with the facts, not the individual? If you disagree with a point of view say “I disagree with the point of view”, not “That’s stupid”

• Do you respond or do you react? Think for a couple of seconds before you launch in with a personal counter-attack, especially when it is someone whose team role is very different to yours

Is it time to give your team some TLC?

There is no need to struggle with trying to make the group of people you work with or sit on the same committee with you into a team. The Enfys Acumen would be delighted to give you the help you need. Why not get in touch today?

Mother’s Day and Lots More Too

Last Sunday’s Mother’s Day made me ponder even a bit more than usual.

Now, we all have a mother and a father and, of course, most of us remember them especially on their special days. Perhaps now it could be time to go beyond cards and flowers.

Do you remember in the 1980’s there was a trend for a range of what were on the whole rather twee A3-sized posters and often featuring a cutesy picture of a kitten, a puppy or some other baby animal with some words of wisdom or a pithy saying of some kind. Do you remember them?

I recall at the time most of them made me cringe, but one poster especially has stuck in my mind. It was given to me by my mother when I left home for the first time for teacher training college. It was a picture of an eagle soaring high above a fantastic mountain range and the caption said “The two greatest gifts we can give our children are roots and wings.” Brilliant don’t you think? It has always stuck in my mind, especially when I later became a parent myself.

I think there is a great message here however, not just for parents but for anyone in a leadership or management position.

In my coaching work I often come across people who would like to be able to give their team members roots of a secure business background and wings to explore the world and soar to the heights of their own potential. This is an ideal position and, alas, one that a great many people feel they have lost out on. Including myself for a greater part of my career.

It is interesting isn’t it that that many of our attitudes to work, relationships and life in general are coloured by how close our childhood came to this ideal. Any couple can become parents without any training, lessons or experience. Similarly, many people become managers and supervisors without any training or induction into the role. So it is not surprising that many fall short of the perfection that we might have felt was our due.

Let’s continue with the parents and family analogy

The key to overcoming any resentment or regret is forgiveness. After all, what has been done cannot be undone and you are what you are. You are also what you think, so Mothers’ day is a great time to eliminate any negative thinking about your parents or even about bosses who you feel have let you down in the past.

Everyone does the very best that they could with the knowledge that was available to them at the time. Just like you, they only discovered what they didn’t know when they needed to know it - so it is hardly surprising that they may have made a few mistakes along the way. I have to exclude parents who wilfully mistreat their children and bullies on an ego trip from this general observation. These individuals will require a greater effort for forgiveness but it is an effort well worth making.

Some of my coaching clients are held back in achieving the great things in life because there is simply no room to let them in. I see it like this: If you harbour a grudge or resentment it will fester and impact on everything else that you do and that is like trying to cycle uphill with the brakes on. The way to release the brakes is to just let go. If it becomes apparent that a client is being held back by some imagined past injustice I ask them three simple questions:

• Could you let that feeling go?
• Would you let it go?
• When?

Their answers invariably lead to the client becoming aware of the way forward and going for it. This process also has a positive impact for clients who are parents or leaders or managers themselves. In understanding their own parents, they find a greater understanding of their children. In understanding their managers, they find a greater understanding of their own skills and work ethics.

I am always happy to discuss this or other aspects of my approach to coaching, absolutely free of any cost or obligation. He can be contacted during usual office hours on 01633 769657 or through our website.

In the final analysis we all have a choice. We can carry negativity and bitterness with us to the grave or we can decide, right now, to let it go and replace it with happiness and love. Share that love, especially with your parents before it is too late.

The Guy in the Glass

I've just stumbled across this poem. Isn't it great?

The Guy in the Glass

by Dale Wimbrow, (c) 1934

When you get what you want in your struggle for pelf,

And the world makes you King for a day,

Then go to the mirror and look at yourself,

And see what that guy has to say.

For it isn't your Father, or Mother, or Wife,

Who judgement upon you must pass.

The feller whose verdict counts most in your life

Is the guy staring back from the glass.

He's the feller to please, never mind all the rest,

For he's with you clear up to the end,

And you've passed your most dangerous, difficult test

If the guy in the glass is your friend.

You may be like Jack Horner and "chisel" a plum,

And think you're a wonderful guy,

But the man in the glass says you're only a bum

If you can't look him straight in the eye.

You can fool the whole world down the pathway of years,

And get pats on the back as you pass,

But your final reward will be heartaches and tears

If you've cheated the guy in the glass.

Who inspires us?

Throughout our lives we come into contact with all kinds of people in all kinds of roles. Inevitably, some of these people will touch our lives in ways that inspire us. They might do something that makes us feel good, they might do something that we might want to emulate, they might say something that will inspire us to do something different or more successfully.

This weekend I have been inspired by quite a small gesture, but this small gesture is priceless in value and no doubt will be remembered for a very long time.

Yesterday evening my 11 year old daughter, Elinor took part in her first synchronised swimming competition. No doubt, just like any parent, I was hugely proud of my little girl. I was especially proud because for most her life, Elinor has suffered from stage fright and during many school concerts she has hidden at the back of the stage, often in tears, as nerves got the better of her. Last night however she and her partner Azzanne, were brilliant and were awarded a very comfortable score for their first attempt.

But what was the act that inspired me the most?

As the girls were leaving the pool, they were each given a coloured envelope, inside each was a note from Kelly their coach. The Newport Synchro Club has only recently formed and it was the first competition for all of the twenty or so members. Kelly is a great coach, she is thought of very highly by parents and the girls clearly respect and adore her.

Inside the envelope was a hand written note from Kelly congratulating each girl for their effort and commitment and saying how proud she was of each of them. Now Kelly didn't need to do this, a pat on the back and a general comment on the bus as we travelled home was all that was expected, but Kelly went the extra mile. She thought ahead about what each girl might be going through and made the extra effort to encourage and motivate that could be remembered for a very long time.

Now, in my view Kelly is a brilliant role model for anyone in a coaching role in whatever field they may operate: sport, business, life or whatever.

It is the little extra bits of care and encouragement, that willingness to go the extra mile that makes so much difference doesn't it?

As we start a new week, what can we all do following Kelly's inspiration to go the extra mile?