It's a small world - please can you help?

Earlier this year the Enfys Acumen, made a social responsibility commitment to put aside up to two days every month to provide charitable organisations that could not otherwise afford our professional fees with pro bono organisational development support (Click here for more information). This initiative has proved to be most satisfying, both for us and the people who have received our support.

One of the charities that has asked us for this help is called Aid for Orphans and the Disabled (AFOD) and is from the Gambia in West Africa.

The charity is registered with the Gambian government and started its work about three years ago. We have received endorsements from international aid agencies in the area that are familiar with the organisation, but do not have the resources to support AFOD themselves. Over the last few weeks, we have been exchanging regular emails and have had a number of telephone calls, including a mini workshop by phone at our expense to clarify the support needs of the charity. Communications of this nature, although wonderful in so many ways, are hampered by the fact that the only email access my main contact has is at an internet café and due to a poor telephone network, calls tend to cut out every few minutes or so.

Let me tell you a bit more

The Gambia is one of Africa's smallest countries and unlike many of its West African neighbours has enjoyed long spells of political stability since independence. This stability has not translated into prosperity however. Despite the presence of the Gambia river, which runs through the middle of the country, only one-sixth of the land is arable and poor soil quality has led to the predominance of one crop - peanuts. The population of the Gambia is 1.5 million and the country covers an area of 4,360 square miles - both are about half that of Wales, my home country.

The extent and effects of the AIDS virus in Africa are well documented and no doubt we are all aware that the majority of people with the disease can be found in Africa. The Gambia is equally affected by the AIDS epidemic and currently over 20,000 of the population of this small country are infected. AIDS tends to affect people between the ages of 15 and 49 years - the time when people should be most productive and have the greatest economic and familial responsibilities. The orphans of AIDS victims and disabled people in most of Africa are very much the poorest of the poor.

What about AFOD?

AFOD is based in Bundung Borehole on the outskirts of Serrekunda, the largest conurbation in the Gambia. The charity’s aims are to address the social needs of orphaned children and disabled people in the area. With very little statutory support for these people like we have in the UK, their plight is very much in the hands of other people in the community, but unfortunately prejudice and stigma remains high. A recent survey carried out by AFOD has shown that in their own local community alone there are nearly 1000 people who are orphaned children or disabled. Some of the greatest challenges are concerned with:

• Education - most orphaned children and disabled people miss out on educational opportunities not because of academic reasons, but because of financial reasons: they cannot afford fees, transport to school, books, uniform and shoes. With very little practical skills, they quite often become street beggars with no hope for a future

• Nutrition - many orphaned and disabled children experience a very limited diet. Research has shown that many such children only have one meal a day, consequently they are at greater risk of other illnesses and early death

• Health - in addition to AIDS, other illnesses like malaria, headaches, stomach problems and fevers are rife especially amongst AFOD’s target groups. Medicines are expensive and many orphaned children and disabled people simply cannot get to health centres because they cannot afford transport costs.

Why is the Enfys Acumen supporting AFOD?

No doubt just like us, you are bombarded with appeal letters from dozens of very worthwhile charities. At the Enfys Acumen we are supporting a number of other charities, both with pro bono professional services and as volunteers and donors, so what is special about AFOD?

What has really attracted us to support AFOD is that it was formed and is led by young people who are working together to try to improve quality of life in their community. Their passion for wanting to make a difference is so encouraging and equally important is that they are not really looking for handouts, but rather the help to develop their skills and resources to move from dreaming to action. They want to be in a position to improve their lot themselves.

AFOD currently has the use of some premises with limited office equipment and is run by one paid member of staff, Lamin Fofanah - a truly genuine young man, with a fantastic sense of vision and a commitment to hard work to benefit his community. There is a membership of thirty people and most of the current funds are raised from holding monthly dances.

Activities to date have included an education opportunity addressing malaria; raising community awareness of the issues faced by orphans and disabled people, specifically targeted at addressing cultural stereotypes and beliefs relating to these people; and sponsoring orphaned and disabled children through the school system.

The needs of orphans and disabled people are huge and to be fair, there is so much that Lamin and AFOD would like to achieve, that up to now they have been trying to be all things to all people.

This is where the Enfys Acumen can really help and make a difference

As an organisational development and coaching practice we work with all kinds of organisations and businesses to clarify their goals, determine the values behind what they do, be specific about their starting point and agree the action steps to achieve what they want to achieve. This is exactly the kind of help that AFOD needs. Current ideas from the AFOD team include developing training and workshop facilities to help orphans and disabled people to lift them selves out of the despondency their circumstances so often put them in. They would like to establish a micro finance scheme to provide the basic equipment people might need to set up their own business ventures. AFOD really wants to develop the capacity to create new opportunities for orphans and disabled people. The Enfys Acumen is prepared to make a long term commitment at our expense to provide organisational development and coaching support to AFOD, but to truly get the ball rolling and help key people on the right to track, we have been advised that it would be beneficial to spend ten days or so, working with AFOD in the Gambia to develop plans and strategies.

How can you help?

As you will be aware the Enfys Acumen is a new business, we have only been trading since last year. However we are driven by a strong sense of wanting to make a difference in the world and these days our community is very much a global community, is it not?

We are more than prepared to make the time available to help AFOD in the Gambia, but unfortunately the costs of doing so will be considerable, specifically the costs of travel and subsistence expenses when we are out there. If the Enfys Acumen could actually spend time with AFOD in Gambia, we would be able to:

• Support the charity to create a development plan that will ensure they create the kind of services that are needed most, will be able to demonstrate to other members of the community and funding bodies that they really do mean business and consequently ensure greater support

• Create strategies for fundraising and marketing to secure the resources needed to take things forward - remember winners have 2 things: definite goals and burning desire to achieve them

• Provide community capacity building training for other people and projects in their community

• Set up a focussed email/telephone coaching process for Lamin Fofanah and possibly other key personnel to ensure the sustainability of AFOD’s work in the long term

Please pledge a donation or sponsorship

We see our work as an investment in the future of AFOD and would like you to also invest in improving the quality of life of some of the most vulnerable people in the world today. The fact that you are still reading this eBrief suggests that you might be driven by some of the same motivations as we are at the Enfys Acumen, you might not be able to offer the same kind of practical support that we can offer, but you can still help to make a difference.

We would really like you to pledge either a personal donation or some business sponsorship as a contribution to the costs of our social responsibility work with AFOD in the Gambia. We just need to raise funds to cover our travel and accommodation costs, remember the time will be given at our expense. At this point in time we only need to raise a further £300 to enable us to get to the Gambia.

Just think about this for a moment...

• A return flight to Banjul in the Gambia will cost approximately £550

• Accommodation in a guest house local to AFOD will cost about £40 per night

Why should you support the Enfys Acumen's work?

With one hand we are trying to appeal to your altruistic nature. We want you to feel the buzz of satisfaction and warm glow that giving money to improve someone else's quality of life gives us all.

But on the other hand…

• We have so much that we take for granted in our culture, wouldn’t it be great if you really could do something that would improve quality of life in another culture that is not as well off as we are in the UK

• There is plenty of evidence out there that to those who give, even greater abundance will be returned

• If a business or organisation pledges to sponsor us for £50 or more we will provide a framed certificate and photograph of our activities to display in your premises, supporting your own social responsibility endeavours.

• Perhaps we could work together in the future on developing a social responsibility commitment in your business or organisation.

Why a pledge?

If we don’t raise what we need to be able to get to the Gambia, we simply will not be able to provide AFOD with the kind of service they really need. We don’t want you to hand any money over unless we can be sure that we will get all that we need to provide AFOD with the required support.

Please make a pledge, when we reach our target of we will come back to you to ask you to actually make the donation.

I look forward to hearing from you soon, if you want to do so, please make your pledge within the next few days so that we can benefit from cheaper flights and the time available.

10 tips for developing better relationships

Twenty years ago I qualified as a teacher and my first position was in a residential school for boys who were labelled in those days as emotionally and behaviourally disturbed - an awful label I know and it certainly helped me to realise that labels are for jam jars not for people.

I entered the teaching profession with lots of values and a real vision to make an impact on developing young people. Although I'd had various holiday jobs over the years, this was my first experience of the real world of work. I think at the time I used to see the world through rose tinted specs, but over the next two years my worldview changed significantly and now I realise it wasn't necessarily for the better and has had a very negative effect on my professional life.

The term I started coincided with the appointment of a new headteacher, it was his first headship and even though I am sure he was a great teacher, he lacked a lot of skills in managing and motivating his staff team. I really learnt a lot about how not to manage and motivate people and some of the pitfalls in organisational development.

In the two years I worked at that school, I think I only went into the headteacher's office about three times, one of which was for the actual job interview. I never had any one-to-one support and the only feedback I ever got tended to be negative and involved a ticking off in front of the kids. I'm sure you can well imagine how that made me feel.

Although I enjoyed the teaching side of things I really hated the school environment and couldn't wait to get away from there at the end of the day. I'm sure I used to get on my housemates nerves moaning about my job and complaining or rather in line with my view of life at the time, I would be making excuses for my boss. After all it was his first management position, he was only developing his skills too!

One day things really hit home. I had gone home quite upset and started making excuses for the headteacher again when a friend really pulled me down to earth.

"Stop there!" she said "This man is your manager, he's doing the job because he demonstrated to someone he could do it , he is getting paid twice as much as you are, you deserve to be supported and developed in your role."

I thought right, I either stand up to him or get out of that environment as soon as I possibly can. I chose the latter and at the end of term I was gone, off to pastures new and out of the teaching profession completely. I was escaping or running away. What I resolved in my own mind however was that I would never again expect less than the best possible support from my line manager.

Now I have had several jobs since that first teaching job and have had some great managers and some downright awful ones. What I did however was set myself some very high expectations for the way I wanted to be managed and how I, in return, would manage my staff. When my manager or the people responsible for employing and supporting me didn't fulfil my expectations of them or if my staff didn't meet my standards and in my mind, refused to be motivated and led in the right direction, I would often get myself into a rut of depression and consequently the quality of my own work and impact would suffer. I would be on a downward spiral until I lifted myself out of the situation by moving on to employment elsewhere. Running away again.

Since starting the Enfys Acumen however, becoming my own boss and having no-one else to blame as it were, I have put a huge amount of effort into personal development and understand now that I had placed myself in a position that I was setting myself up failure. Nobody is perfect and managers and staff have a shared responsibility to the team-playing role.

I have written before about teams and how in a team you have some people you are completely comfortable with and others you don't necessarily want to have much to do with, but recognise they too have a crucial role to play. See my blog post on Teamwork and Bicycles.

The rest of this post gives 10 tips on developing better relationships. I wish I'd discovered them sooner. If you are in a role where other people aren't meeting your expectations, I'm sure you'll find them useful:

1. Remember that however unreasonable someone is acting, their behaviour is derived from a positive intention. When you act as if all behaviour has a positive intention behind it, through discovering it, your life will become more pleasant. An example: You meet an angry person and you think how childish and silly they are. But if you were to ask yourself, "what is the positive intention behind this persons angry behaviour?", you could come up with something useful that allows you to feel more comfortable. For instance people often act angry because behind this they believe it will protect them from harm.

2. When you find yourself feeling uncomfortable in an interaction get some perspective by disassociating. In your mind's eye see yourself and the other person interacting over there, rather like you would if you were to see a video film of the situation.

3. Step into their shoes. This is one of the most powerful methods for gaining wisdom about your relationships. To begin, you imagine communicating with the other person, noticing how they talk, observe their facial expressions and so on. You then step into their shoes and see through their eyes and hear through their ears. So of course you will be looking at yourself! Run through a conversation you've had before, that could have been better. Notice yourself and become aware of how seeing things from this other person's perspective gives you new insights into the relationship.

4. What assumptions are you making about the other person? Are you willing to challenge those assumptions? Pick one. What is the opposite of that? eg narrow minded/open minded.
Now imagine interacting with the person with this new attitude.

5. Step into the WE frame: Think about a person you want to get along with better. Disassociate: Picture both of you interacting in your minds eye. Now allow yourself to find a common purpose between the two of you. Of course if you can't come up with anything you can always fall back on the fact that you are just two human beings who are trying to experience more happiness.

6. Funify your boss (or that irritating colleague). Many people experience difficulties communicating with their boss. It's often due to being too serious. So here is a simple, quick way to inject the antidote: FUN! Okay, picture your boss or whoever. And then notice their facial features. What stands out? Is it their nose, their eyes, eye brows, chin? Now you simply exaggerate those features rather like a caricature cartoonist does. Exaggerate and funify it in such a way that it makes you laugh or at least feel better towards the relationship.

7. No Failure, only feedback (or learning experiences.) A really useful way to make beneficial changes is to view everything as a learning experience. So thinking about a relationship you find challenging, notice how you usually respond to the person and then ask yourself, "How else could I respond?" How many different ways could you respond in your interactions? Come up with at least 3 possibilities. This enables your mind to generate more flexibility of behaviour.

8. Often when we experience difficulties in our relationships it is due to focusing on faults. This distorts our perception of the overall relationship, which is really a mixture of good and bad qualities. To re-focus our attention on the bigger picture begin to remember qualities you admire in the other person. Come up with three, picture them, increase the size of the images and place them around an image of the faulty qualities of the person. And remember positive intention, take a look at Tip 1 again!

9. What would be the consequence of staying stuck in the same relationship dynamic with a particular person, say ten years from now?! The fact is if you want to experience better relationships YOU are going to have to change your viewpoints or attitude. It's okay, this can be fairly simple. Imagine stepping into the future ten years from now and look back at that relationship and notice that it has remained in the same stuck pattern year after year for ten years! Looking at it like this, acting as if it could really happen, allow your feelings to arise that make you say, "enough is enough I MUST change!"

10. Think of someone you would like to get along with better. Choose someone of medium level problematic-ness and then read the following questions slowly: Isn't it true that all of the problems that we experience when relating to others is due to OUR feelings? What if we were to change our feelings? This could make things easier couldn't it?

If you are stuck in a professional relationship that is giving you grief in some way, why not try some personal coaching or ask the Enfys Acumen to help with developing a strategy to help your team work together more effectively.

The Guy in the Glass

I've just stumbled across this poem. Isn't it great?

The Guy in the Glass

by Dale Wimbrow, (c) 1934

When you get what you want in your struggle for pelf,

And the world makes you King for a day,

Then go to the mirror and look at yourself,

And see what that guy has to say.

For it isn't your Father, or Mother, or Wife,

Who judgement upon you must pass.

The feller whose verdict counts most in your life

Is the guy staring back from the glass.

He's the feller to please, never mind all the rest,

For he's with you clear up to the end,

And you've passed your most dangerous, difficult test

If the guy in the glass is your friend.

You may be like Jack Horner and "chisel" a plum,

And think you're a wonderful guy,

But the man in the glass says you're only a bum

If you can't look him straight in the eye.

You can fool the whole world down the pathway of years,

And get pats on the back as you pass,

But your final reward will be heartaches and tears

If you've cheated the guy in the glass.

Who inspires us?

Throughout our lives we come into contact with all kinds of people in all kinds of roles. Inevitably, some of these people will touch our lives in ways that inspire us. They might do something that makes us feel good, they might do something that we might want to emulate, they might say something that will inspire us to do something different or more successfully.

This weekend I have been inspired by quite a small gesture, but this small gesture is priceless in value and no doubt will be remembered for a very long time.

Yesterday evening my 11 year old daughter, Elinor took part in her first synchronised swimming competition. No doubt, just like any parent, I was hugely proud of my little girl. I was especially proud because for most her life, Elinor has suffered from stage fright and during many school concerts she has hidden at the back of the stage, often in tears, as nerves got the better of her. Last night however she and her partner Azzanne, were brilliant and were awarded a very comfortable score for their first attempt.

But what was the act that inspired me the most?

As the girls were leaving the pool, they were each given a coloured envelope, inside each was a note from Kelly their coach. The Newport Synchro Club has only recently formed and it was the first competition for all of the twenty or so members. Kelly is a great coach, she is thought of very highly by parents and the girls clearly respect and adore her.

Inside the envelope was a hand written note from Kelly congratulating each girl for their effort and commitment and saying how proud she was of each of them. Now Kelly didn't need to do this, a pat on the back and a general comment on the bus as we travelled home was all that was expected, but Kelly went the extra mile. She thought ahead about what each girl might be going through and made the extra effort to encourage and motivate that could be remembered for a very long time.

Now, in my view Kelly is a brilliant role model for anyone in a coaching role in whatever field they may operate: sport, business, life or whatever.

It is the little extra bits of care and encouragement, that willingness to go the extra mile that makes so much difference doesn't it?

As we start a new week, what can we all do following Kelly's inspiration to go the extra mile?