Be Thankful - Author Unknown

Be thankful that you don't already have everything you desire,
If you did, what would there be to look forward to?

Be thankful when you don't know something
For it gives you the opportunity to learn.

Be thankful for the difficult times.
During those times you grow.

Be thankful for your limitations
Because they give you opportunities for improvement.

Be thankful for each new challenge
Because it will build your strength and character.

Be thankful for your mistakes
They will teach you valuable lessons.

Be thankful when you're tired and weary
Because it means you've made a difference.

It is easy to be thankful for the good things.
A life of rich fulfillment comes to those who are
also thankful for the setbacks.

GRATITUDE can turn a negative into a positive.
Find a way to be thankful for your troubles
and they can become your blessing.

Kicking bad habits into touch

Everybody has bad habits. Everybody – I do, you do, we all do!

Now granted, some people have less than others and some people's bad habits are more grating than those of others, but we all have them. What is great is that we don't have to! Imagine a life where you couldn't change? What kind of life would that be? But we can, so let's!

There are two kinds of bad habits: Those you know you have that others may or may not know about, and those you don't know you have but everybody else knows you have! For the sake of everybody involved we ought to get rid of them all, right?

So how can you get rid of some of your bad habits? The answers simple, but hard. Ask somebody to be brutally honest with you! You might think, "But I'll be embarrassed." Would you rather everyone talk behind your back? Get up the courage and ask. Ask somebody who loves you and has your best interest in mind. Be gracious and don't defend your self. Just accept it and work on it.

What about the ones we know about - which are all of them once your good friend tells you the ones you were missing? Those are the tough ones. How do I know they are tough? They must be tough if you know about them and yet you still have them! If they weren't tough, they would be OLD bad habits! Am I right?

So how do you break a bad habit? How do you kick it into touch out of your life? Here are a few things that must be a part of the plan in order to see that stuff gone forever!

1. You must want them to go. That's right, some people want them to stick around. We have all seen dads choose alcohol over their grandchildren. I’m sure you have seen smokers continue smoking while watching their parents die of emphysema. They don't want them to go. The first thing is to go deep into the recesses of your heart and ask, "Do I really want to give this up?"

2. You do? Good. Step two: Make up a list of all of the reasons you want to quit your bad habits. Make them positive. Make the list long! Start with the really powerful and dramatic if you need to. Now memorise them. Put them in your mind. You are making connections between stopping the bad behaviour with what good things you will get from doing so. If you want to lose weight, then picture yourself slim and looking good in those skinny people clothes! If you want to stop smoking, picture your wife actually kissing you rather than sending you to the bathroom to brush your teeth!

3. Choose. That is right. Once you have the information, this comes down to one thing: It is an act of the will. Choose to do it. Say to yourself throughout the day, "I am choosing to..." Eisenhower rightly said, "The history of free men is written not by chance but by choice, their choice." It is your choice. You can write your history.

4. Take action! Point four is tricky because there are two philosophies about this. One theory is that you must take massive action. You must go all or nothing. Using the weight loss example, this person would go spend hundreds of pounds to join a gym, rework their daily routine and hit the treadmill everyday for a year. They will get rid of all fat in the house. They go all out! That works for some. Others would burn out on that, feel like failures and be worse off than before. They should start out slow, taking baby steps, but working diligently toward a planned goal. This person would decide to start walking three days a week. They would decide to limit dessert to two nights a week, down from seven. See how this works? Either way is okay as long as you get to the goal eventually. Which one am I? The first two people to email me with the correct guess will win four free coaching sessions to help them succeed.

5. Tell somebody. This is your accountability partner. Tell them your goal and tell them your plan. Write it down for them and have them ask you on regular intervals about your progress. This will prove invaluable!

6. Recover from failure. Inevitably most people will have setbacks. The key is to have them be setbacks and not turnbacks! Pick yourself up and get going again. Some people may want to lose 3 stone in weight and after losing two they eat a slap up takeaway. Then they feel bad and give up. Don't! Reset your goal for another two weeks and get going again. Chalk it off to experience! Say to yourself, "Sometimes you win and sometimes you learn."

7. Reward yourself. That's right. You should regularly congratulate yourself by rewarding yourself with some gift to yourself. Start small with small victories and plan a big one when you are finally and for sure over the habit.

Is it that simple? Most of the time, no it is definitely not. Habits are hard to break. There are so many intangibles that it would be hard to cover them all. But this is a simple and workable plan that will help you make great strides if you apply the principles.

For more information about coaching from the Enfys Acumen, why not get in touch today.

Mother’s Day and Lots More Too

Last Sunday’s Mother’s Day made me ponder even a bit more than usual.

Now, we all have a mother and a father and, of course, most of us remember them especially on their special days. Perhaps now it could be time to go beyond cards and flowers.

Do you remember in the 1980’s there was a trend for a range of what were on the whole rather twee A3-sized posters and often featuring a cutesy picture of a kitten, a puppy or some other baby animal with some words of wisdom or a pithy saying of some kind. Do you remember them?

I recall at the time most of them made me cringe, but one poster especially has stuck in my mind. It was given to me by my mother when I left home for the first time for teacher training college. It was a picture of an eagle soaring high above a fantastic mountain range and the caption said “The two greatest gifts we can give our children are roots and wings.” Brilliant don’t you think? It has always stuck in my mind, especially when I later became a parent myself.

I think there is a great message here however, not just for parents but for anyone in a leadership or management position.

In my coaching work I often come across people who would like to be able to give their team members roots of a secure business background and wings to explore the world and soar to the heights of their own potential. This is an ideal position and, alas, one that a great many people feel they have lost out on. Including myself for a greater part of my career.

It is interesting isn’t it that that many of our attitudes to work, relationships and life in general are coloured by how close our childhood came to this ideal. Any couple can become parents without any training, lessons or experience. Similarly, many people become managers and supervisors without any training or induction into the role. So it is not surprising that many fall short of the perfection that we might have felt was our due.

Let’s continue with the parents and family analogy

The key to overcoming any resentment or regret is forgiveness. After all, what has been done cannot be undone and you are what you are. You are also what you think, so Mothers’ day is a great time to eliminate any negative thinking about your parents or even about bosses who you feel have let you down in the past.

Everyone does the very best that they could with the knowledge that was available to them at the time. Just like you, they only discovered what they didn’t know when they needed to know it - so it is hardly surprising that they may have made a few mistakes along the way. I have to exclude parents who wilfully mistreat their children and bullies on an ego trip from this general observation. These individuals will require a greater effort for forgiveness but it is an effort well worth making.

Some of my coaching clients are held back in achieving the great things in life because there is simply no room to let them in. I see it like this: If you harbour a grudge or resentment it will fester and impact on everything else that you do and that is like trying to cycle uphill with the brakes on. The way to release the brakes is to just let go. If it becomes apparent that a client is being held back by some imagined past injustice I ask them three simple questions:

• Could you let that feeling go?
• Would you let it go?
• When?

Their answers invariably lead to the client becoming aware of the way forward and going for it. This process also has a positive impact for clients who are parents or leaders or managers themselves. In understanding their own parents, they find a greater understanding of their children. In understanding their managers, they find a greater understanding of their own skills and work ethics.

I am always happy to discuss this or other aspects of my approach to coaching, absolutely free of any cost or obligation. He can be contacted during usual office hours on 01633 769657 or through our website.

In the final analysis we all have a choice. We can carry negativity and bitterness with us to the grave or we can decide, right now, to let it go and replace it with happiness and love. Share that love, especially with your parents before it is too late.

The Guy in the Glass

I've just stumbled across this poem. Isn't it great?

The Guy in the Glass

by Dale Wimbrow, (c) 1934

When you get what you want in your struggle for pelf,

And the world makes you King for a day,

Then go to the mirror and look at yourself,

And see what that guy has to say.

For it isn't your Father, or Mother, or Wife,

Who judgement upon you must pass.

The feller whose verdict counts most in your life

Is the guy staring back from the glass.

He's the feller to please, never mind all the rest,

For he's with you clear up to the end,

And you've passed your most dangerous, difficult test

If the guy in the glass is your friend.

You may be like Jack Horner and "chisel" a plum,

And think you're a wonderful guy,

But the man in the glass says you're only a bum

If you can't look him straight in the eye.

You can fool the whole world down the pathway of years,

And get pats on the back as you pass,

But your final reward will be heartaches and tears

If you've cheated the guy in the glass.

The Best Valentine - Love Yourself

This is the month when love is in the air, thanks to Saint Valentine. But here is a thought for you. When did you last give yourself a Valentine?

That is not as strange as it may seem. As anyone who knows true love will tell you, the more love that you give, the more you receive. This starts an amazing circle of ever increasing love, which makes your eyes shine; your energy level rises and improves every aspect of your life. The place to start this whole cycle going is with self-love. This doesn’t mean selfishness and introspection. It means taking time out to truly appreciate all your great qualities, skills and talents.

As a coach and I know that many of my clients benefit from this simple change to their approach to love. Let me explain, because so many of us are brought up in a culture where it is considered bad form to put yourself first, we can severely limit the love that we have to give.

We can also limit your capacity to receive love. If you don’t love yourself, you may feel that you are unlovable by someone else. At best, this can make you doubt any expressions of love that you receive. At worst, it can even make you repel those who want to love you and that can result in the collapse of a relationship.

Self love is not the same as selfishness. It is the ability to acknowledge all your good points instead of a continual focus on your faults. It means looking into the mirror and seeing a person of great potential. When you can do this you can look the world in the eye, you can give freely and you can project love outwards to others.

I think that a reason why so many people never get to find the one true love that the Valentine’s cards talk about. It is because the whole idea of self love is alien to them. If they think about it as self-esteem then it becomes more acceptable. Every truly happy and successful person has high self-esteem. This is not the same as arrogance or conceit, it is about giving as much credibility to your positive qualities as you do to all the others.

Some of my coaching clients have discovered that, once they have addressed the issue of selfesteem, then everything else just falls into place. The process of increased awareness is simple, gradual and very effective. The biggest pay off is that when you have done it once; you have it for all time. Then you become truly aware that you can be, do or have whatever you want in life - and that includes love.

I am always happy to discuss this or other aspects of our approach to coaching, absolutely free of any cost or obligation. You can contact me during usual office hours on 01633 769657 or visit our website.

One last word. We are all born with a good awareness of ourselves. What subsequently happens is that we remember all the negative things that others tell us about ourselves and these can swamp our opinions about the good qualities that we have. Decide to base your impressions of self on what you truly know to be true instead of the opinions of others and you are well on the way to building up that never-ending store of love that is your birthright.